What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?
Reveal Punchline
I don't know and I don't care.
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I gave my friend 10 puns hoping that one of them would make him laugh.
Reveal Punchline
Sadly, no pun in ten did.
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What do you call a criminal going down the stairs?
Reveal Punchline
Condescending
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It doesn't matter if you're tall, short, thin, fat, rich, poor...
Reveal Punchline
at the end of the day, it's night.
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Sad news - I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine because I was seeing another woman named Clearly.
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Good news is I can see Clearly now Lorraine is gone!
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Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
Reveal Punchline
He's all right now.
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I knew I shouldn't steal a mixer from work...
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but it was a whisk I was willing to take."
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I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language.
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I don’t know why.
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Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
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That’s just how I roll.
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When people are sad, I sometimes let them colour in my tattoos.
Reveal Punchline
Sometimes all they need is a shoulder to crayon.
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I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome.
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It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I liked it.
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What do you call a boy who stopped digging holes?
Reveal Punchline
Douglas.
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Recent survey revealed 6 out of 7...
Reveal Punchline
dwarfs aren't happy.
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What is the best way to carve?
Reveal Punchline
Whittle by whittle.
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Why are graveyards so noisy?
Reveal Punchline
Because of all the coffin.
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It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs, because...
Reveal Punchline
they take everything literally.
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I been watching a channel on TV that is strictly just about origami —
Reveal Punchline
Of course it is paper-view.
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Why did the A go to the bathroom and come out as an E?
Reveal Punchline
Because he had a vowel movement.
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Geology rocks, but Geography...
Reveal Punchline
is where it's at!
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I was at the library and asked if they have any books on "paranoia."
Reveal Punchline
The librarian replied, "yes, they are right behind you"
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My friend keeps telling me "Cheer up. You aren't stuck in a deep hole in the ground, filled with water."
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I know he means well.
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The word queue is ironic.
Reveal Punchline
It's just q with a bunch of silent letters waiting in line.
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I got an A on my origami assignment when I turned...
Reveal Punchline
my paper into my teacher.
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Why does Waldo only wear stripes?
Reveal Punchline
Because he doesn't want to be spotted.
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Someone asked me, what's the ninth letter of the alphabet?
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It was a complete guess, but I was right.
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Someone asked me to name two structures that hold water.
Reveal Punchline
I said "Well dam"
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Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
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This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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