Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.
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The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
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Doctor: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?
Patient: Good news please.
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Doctor: we're naming a disease after you.
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When you have a bladder infection,...
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urine trouble.
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I was shocked when I was diagnosed as colorblind...
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It came out of the purple.
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Dermatologists are always in a hurry.
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They spend all day making rash decisions.
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Conjunctivitis.com –
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now that’s a site for sore eyes.
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Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
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The hip Doctor!
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How many bones are in the human hand?
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A handful of them.
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"Doctor, I’ve broken my arm in several places."
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Doctor: "Well don't go to those places."
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Nurse: Doctor, there's a patient that says he's invisible.
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Doctor: Well, tell him I can't see him right now!
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I wear a stethoscope so that in a medical emergency I can teach people...
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a valuable lesson about assumptions.
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What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
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They will give you a piece of your mind.
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I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink.
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Now I’m in hospital, waiting to be seen.
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I went to the doctor today and he told me I had type...
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A blood but it was a type O.
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What kind of award did the dentist receive?
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A little plaque.
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Have you heard about the film "Constipation"?
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You probably haven't because it's not out yet.
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I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic, they said:
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go ahead, knock yourself out.
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What did the doctor say to the gingerbread man who broke his leg?
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Try icing it.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?
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Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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When do doctors get angry?
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When they run out of patients.
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Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
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Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
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What do you call crystal clear urine? …
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1080p.
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What do you call a cheap circumcision? …
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A rip off.
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Which part of the hospital has the least privacy?…
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The ICU.
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What do you call a deaf gynecologist? …
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A lip reader.
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I was on a diabetes awareness site. It asked me if I accept cookies.
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Is that a trick question?
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I'm reading a horror book in Braille...
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Something bad's going to happen, I can feel it!
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Diarrhea is hereditary...it runs...
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in your jeans.
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My Viagra addiction was the hardest...
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time of my life.
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Frequently Asked Questions
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Are these medical jokes appropriate for kids?
Yes! Our medical dad jokes are family-friendly and safe to share with kids of all ages. Dad jokes are all about clean, groan-worthy humor.
Can I share these medical dad jokes?
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