If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you is all I need.…
Reveal Punchline
Not all this "How the fuck did you get in my house?!" nonsense.
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Went to the doctors for a prostate exam. During the exam he said it's not unusual to become aroused or even ejaculate.…
Reveal Punchline
But still, I wish he hadn't.
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My wife divorced me so I stole her wheelchair.…
Reveal Punchline
Guess who came crawling back.
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Male bees die after mating.
Reveal Punchline
That's basically their life - Honey Nut Cheerio!
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I picked up a hitchhiker yesterday. He said "How do you know I'm not a serial killer?
Reveal Punchline
" I said "The chances of two serial killers in one car is astronomical!"
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It was 10 years ago today my best friend Logan came out of the room, tears streaming down his face. He said "It's a boy!"
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We never went back to Thailand.
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I just been for my prostate exam.
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Got the thumbs up!
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Yo mama is so skinny that her...
Reveal Punchline
nipples touch.
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A cannibal is someone who is...
Reveal Punchline
fed up with people.
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Why is crucified Jesus always depicted with six-pack abs? …
Reveal Punchline
He did CrossFit.
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How many nice guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
Reveal Punchline
… None, they'll just compliment it and get pissed off when it won't screw.
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Programming is like sex.…
Reveal Punchline
Make one mistake and you end up supporting it for the rest of your life.
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Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in the divorce court. "Mickey", the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me."…
Reveal Punchline
"I didn't say she was insane", exclaims Mickey. "I said she was fucking Goofy."
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I told my wife to shave her pussy…
Reveal Punchline
I woke up bald.
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What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus? …
Reveal Punchline
A cactus keeps the little pricks on the outside.
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Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? …
Reveal Punchline
His wife is dead.
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What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas? …
Reveal Punchline
I don't know, he hasn't opened it yet.
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What do you call a bird sitting with their legs spread? …
Reveal Punchline
A prostitweety.
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Dark humor is like food, not...
Reveal Punchline
everyone gets it.
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What does tofu and a dildo have in common? …
Reveal Punchline
They're both meat substitutes.
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In Soviet Russia, gay sex gets you arrested.
Reveal Punchline
In America, getting arrested gets you gay sex.
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The average penis has…… Been in and around my ex-girlfriend's mouth.
Reveal Punchline
Fuck you, Karen!
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I'm thinking of setting up a comedy group to help people going through cancer treatment.…
Reveal Punchline
I'll call it "A Sense of Tumor".
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What's it called when you tickle a man to death by accident?
Reveal Punchline
Manslaughter!
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I'm starting a business to teach short people math.
Reveal Punchline
It's called "Making the Little Things Count."
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Yo mama is so stupid that she wiped her ass...
Reveal Punchline
before she took a shit.
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Yo mama is so ugly that she could scare the...
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flies off a shit wagon.
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Yo mama is so ugly that even Bill Clinton...
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wouldn't sleep with her.
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