Dad Jokes Perfect for Texting
Short, shareable dad jokes that are perfect to drop in a text message or group chat. Browse 50 hand-picked dad jokes perfect for text messages, group chats, and DMs.
1
What did one nut say as he chased another nut?
I'm a cashew!
2
I knew I shouldn't steal a mixer from work, but it was a whisk I was willing to take.
3
My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience. The second time let me down.
4
Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a no bell prize.
5
Why couldn't the kid see the pirate movie?
Because it was rated arrr!
6
What do you call two guys hanging out by your window?
Kurt & Rod.
7
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don't know and I don't care.
8
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
9
I made a belt out of watches once... It was a waist of time.
10
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Look for fresh prints.
11
If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for you!
12
What did the drummer name her twin daughters?
Anna One, Anna Two...
13
Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition and finds he has seriously misunderstood the objective.
14
A book just fell on my head. I only have my shelf to blame.
15
Two satellites decided to get married. The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible.
16
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
17
I’ve got this disease where I can’t stop making airport puns.
The doctor says it terminal.
18
I gave my friend 10 puns hoping that one of them would make him laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
19
A boy dug three holes in the yard. When his mother saw, she exclaimed: "well, well, well"
20
Did you hear about the campsite that got visited by Bigfoot?
It got in tents.
21
Why did the melons plan a big wedding?
Because they cantaloupe!
22
Have you heard the rumor going around about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.
23
What do you call a criminal going down the stairs?
Condescending
24
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
25
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye Matey!
26
Why does Norway have barcodes on their battleships?
So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian.
27
When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
28
I was shocked when I was diagnosed as colorblind... It came out of the purple.
29
What does an angry pepper do?
It gets jalapeño face.
30
Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color?
They had a reptile dysfunction.
31
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Same middle name.
32
Want to hear a chimney joke?
Got stacks of em! First one's on the house
33
Dad died because he couldn't remember his blood type. I will never forget his last words. Be positive.
34
I asked my wife if I was the only one she's been with.… She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights."
35
What happens when you don't obey the KGB?
… You get Putin jail.
36
My kid called me an old man this morning. We laughed and laughed... then I changed the Wi-Fi password.
37
Why did the non-binary prospector head to the West?
'Cause there was gold in them/their hills!
38
Not to brag, but I just got hired as a fitness model... They're using me as the "before" picture.
39
My wife says I have two major faults: I don't listen, and something else.
40
It doesn't matter if you're tall, short, thin, fat, rich, poor... at the end of the day, it's night.
41
My wife told me to pick up six cans of Sprite at the grocery store... When I got home, I realized I'd picked 7-Up!
42
I was in bed and said "Hey Siri, why am I so bad with women?
" She said "This is Alexa!"
43
I went to the zoo that only had one animal.
It was a dog - it was a Shih Tzu!
44
Do you know why you only make soup with 239 beans?
Because one more would make it too farty!
45
Did you know if you sneeze and fart at the same time, your body takes a screenshot?
46
If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
47
What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?
Ian.
48
To the guy who invented zero... thanks for nothing.
49
All these ladies keep asking Santa Claus for the perfect man. I almost got kidnapped three times this week!
50
My dog accidentally ate a whole bag of Scrabble tiles. So I took him to the vet - no word yet!
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Frequently Asked Questions
What's the ideal length for a text message joke?
The best text jokes are under 120 characters — short enough to read at a glance and land instantly. They should fit in a single message bubble without requiring the recipient to scroll.
How often should I send dad jokes via text?
Once a day is the sweet spot for most people. Too many can feel spammy, but a well-timed daily dad joke becomes something people look forward to. Many friend groups have a daily joke tradition.
Are dad jokes good for group chats?
Dad jokes are perfect for group chats! They're universally inoffensive, spark reactions from everyone, and often start joke chains where everyone tries to one-up each other.
Can I schedule dad joke texts?
Yes! Use a scheduled messaging feature on your phone to send a dad joke at the same time each day. Or download the Dad Jokes app to get daily joke notifications you can share instantly.
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